If anyone is still reading my blog - you should check out my friend's new etsy shop! She is making these adorable (because she is really talented) mini albums that all you need to do is add the pictures and the journaling! Check her out -
Hi - let me introduce myself for those of you who have forgotten me since it has been 9 months since my last post! My name is Pinky and I am a WIDOW. (That word used to send shivers up my spine.) I am a new person! I have become a different person out of neccessity - I used to be Brent's wife but am now a widow. I used to be a parent in the home where there was 2 parents - now I am a single mother of 3. There used to be 2 persons that made me who I am - NOW I am but one person. These things change you - there is no denying that! Oh, the old me is still there but there is a new layer that is deeper and hopefully more compassionate.
Over the last 2 years I have grown immensely in my walk with Christ. I have learned things that are so dear to me that I would NOT trade them for ANYTHING! I have learned what it means to TRUST the One, that no matter what happens in life, is worthy of ALL trust. I have learned that I belong to God and all that I have belongs to God and that is such a FREEING way of thinking. I have learned that my life is NOT what I expected and in fact it is more beautiful than I expected EVEN though it is painful. I have learned that when you walk so closely with God you can't help but to talk about Him to whoever will listen. I have also learned that God has given me such an amazing group of friends. So many of you seem more like family than friends. I cherish each of you - even though at times you might feel more neglected than cherished!
PERSPECTIVE - this has got to be one of the biggest things that God has been teaching me over the last 2 years. I know that I tend to look at my life from my own perspective - and from my perspective it just doesn't make sense why God would take a man with a family in the prime of his life. However; when you change your view to God's - then it seems an honor that God would use Brent to reach so many for Him in such a powerful way! AND it gives purpose to the suffering. I think we get tied up in what we feel we are owed (i.e what we want for our lives vs doing what God wants us to do)to see past OUR own desires. My pastor, just recently in a sermon, said that sometimes we determine our needs - when in fact, only God has the right to determine our needs. God alone knows our purpose and what we NEED to fulfill that purpose! He even said that if we are true believers that we don't ultimately need to breathe! Bold, huh?! Think about that for a while - let that set in! The only real reason we would NEED to be alive is if we didn't have Christ in our lives.
Last year we ran away to Pheonix with dear friends to somehow avoid this day of remembrance BUT this year we will be staring down its throat. The kids are all planning on going to school. "A" wanted to make shirts we could all wear on Wednesday in honor of her dad. There is even a soccer game after school. After the game we are going to go to the cemetery with Brent's parents and stand around a stone in the ground and hold hands a remember God and what He has done for us this year! We will pray and most likely there will be a tear or two - but this year I am not afraid of that. Matter of fact I cherish it and am looking forward to it!
I know have grossly neglected my blog. Please don't misinterpret this post as a new beginning for my blog. I don't know what is in store for this blog - but for now it is an avenue for me to remember!
We have been blessed yet again! More Water and the Newnam's, from our church, outfitted the kids with snowboards, boots and binding for this upcoming snow season - which starts Saturday! I don't even know what to say - we thank you from the bottom of all our hearts! My kids are sure to be the coolest on the slopes!
Is is Saturday, yet?!!
Since my daddy was stuck in Houston for Christmas and very sad he couldn't come home to be with his kids - his kids took the camera with them everywhere they went and made him a little video. Hopefully, he feels like he didn't miss out too much! We love you, Daddy and missed you and mom alot this Christmas!
Today Cbug turned 11! I know it is so clichesque to say that time is really going so fast - BUT I IS! IT feels like just yesterday AND eons ago as well - that I was taking little tiny A to gymnastics on a December morning and timing contractions thinking that today could be the day! All of the sudden I realized that I had better get some Christmas shopping done after gymnastics because if this was the day then I was hosed - I knew that as soon as the sweet little CBUG made her appearance - I would NOT be thinking much about buying presents! So, off little A and I went to the mall - still timing mind you and calling Brent every few minutes to tell him they were still going strong! You see - there were still 5 days left before her due date! After I got most of what I wanted to get done at the mall - I made a final quick phone call to Brent and told him to meet me at home - where I wanted to clean for a while before we headed to see the doc!
Because you went to the back door this time (good thing it was dark when you were running off because we totally saw you! just couldnt tell who you were!) you totally missed the cupcakes and card we had at the FRONT door waiting for you!
You (well three of you, anyway!) were almost caught tonight! You guys are super SNEAKY and are making this super fun for us! I actually found myself singing Christmas songs tonight coming home from the grocery store! So, thanks for that!
We can't put the picture of us in our reindeer headbands up because - well, if you read the post below you will see that we can't upload pictures because I can't find the wires I need! go figure!
Don't let the fact that we are trying to catch you keep you away! See ya soon! Oh - and if you find a bag already on our porch - it's yours!!!
Merry Christmas!
In defense of myself - I took a picture of my shopping outing to ABQ Uptown and I came home fully anticipating on uploading it - BUT can you believe - I can't find the cord that plugs my card reader into my computer to upload the STUPID picture! And since I was so defeated by this turn of events - I boycotted the whole picture taking process TODAY!
My daddy is back in Houston on his 2nd round of "24/hours a day for 5 days chemo drip". Pray for his strength and that God would have mercy on him and keep the side effects minimal. WHOAAAA - what am I saying? Pray that God is so gracious that He keeps the side effects completely AWAY! Thanks
Please join me in prayer for Grant's little brother Ryan, who died this morning. He was 17 years old and so full of life just like his older brothers, Grant and John. Ryan is united with Christ now and hopefully will find his way to get to hang out with Brent, too!
It seems like God is taking our group through some really deep trials - such a season of suffering for my group of friends. I think He is deepening each of our faiths in such huge ways. It makes me think so much of my own homecoming!
My Dad found out this week that his cancer is back and so he is heading back to Houston to get going on some major treatments (PLEASE KEEP HIM IN PRAYER!) He is doing very well and is heading into this fight with God on his side! I am so super proud of my dad and his walk with God.
Our lives are journeys and it is what is on the road of our journey that counts - not just the final destination! It matters what we do with our journey. It matters that we TRUST our God to show us the way and let Him protect and guide us. In order to do this - we must completely empty ourselves of ourselves and let God work IN us. I am so glad that I am not alone - because this journey isn't EASY and sometimes it is a bit scary and a bit painful! BUT it is worth every STEP! I know I am rambling a bit and maybe not making much sense - but my heart is a bit heavy today!
I woke up in the middle of the night with that hymn "Grace, grace, God's grace . . ." in my head and it made me contemplate grace. I can't even begin to imagine where I would be today without God's grace. It is by God's grace that He gave me His strength, His courage, His patient endurance, and His joy these last 12 months. I am eternally grateful for God's sweet provision in my life and I never want to be the person I was before - God has "grown" me in such an amazingly perfect way for ME. I want my life (ALL of my life) to be a testimony of who God is and the tender mercy He shows His children.
Our day was perfect (except that A's phone broke!) We played in the pool, floated down the lazy river numerous times, sat by the pool and napped by the pool. The resort is beautiful with tall palm trees and the sky was an amazing shade of blue today! The kids made a music video - but I can't upload any pictures until I get home tomorrow - so make sure you check back for pictures. I can't thank each of you enough for your faithfulness in lifting us up in prayer. We can really feel your prayers.
NOTE THAT I KEEP ADDING NEW BLOG POSTS BELOW!!!
Check out Megans post , Kelly's post , Haley's post, LivPurple post, and my sister-in-law's post regarding this one year mark!
We are leaving in the morning for Pheonix where we will be met with WARM weather and a really really FUN water park! If you think of us - please pray for a sweet, fun, memorable day - I have no doubt that God will fill us each of us with His peace as He has done over and over this last YEAR! I treasure each and every one of your prayers and precious support over these last 12 months. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Megan, Jasmine and Kelly have done this and maybe some of you that I haven't checked in on a while - but I thought that some of these were super funny so . . .
You just type in your name "needs" in the google search box and see what comes up. here are some of the ones that came up with my name
Edie needs. . .
a green frog outfit by Friday!
a friendly voice
someone to boss around!
a loving and permanent home
more friends
legs (seriously this was one!)
to get a life!
SO by far my 2 favorites are the green frog outfit and the legs! which are yours!
I thought it might be about time (if anyone is still reading my blog!) to let you know how I am doing in the midst of this month that I thought might take my breath away! Anyone interested?
God has been absolutely AMAZING? Are you surprised? I am seeing a pattern here! I wish I had a nickel for everytime I have said "God has been absolutely AMAZING!" during this last year! He continues to be gracious to me. I was so totally dreading this last month and would you believe that is has been a beautiful month?! I was just thinking about how FAITHFUL God is - I can tell you, I am so not faithful to Him. BUT He continues to be to me! I am NOT dreading October 7th at all! I am actually looking forward to it! I am not sure I can explain it - except to say GOD IS AMAZING! (although, don't stop praying - your prayers are lifting me up - keep 'em coming!)
Yay for the easy button! My girlfriend Erika changed her blog and posted about it and so I checked it out and the hardest part about it was deciding on the background! There are sooooo many to choose from and they are all FREE! Did you hear that? FREE!!!
The website is Cutest Blog on the Block and they are! They have very easy and simple instructions! So, let's see who gets a new blog look in the next few days!
Here we are - already September. A mere 37 days left until we hit the 1 year mark. Can it already be so? My soul is heavy and I am on the edge of tears these days. I think that a year seems so long and at the same time seems so short. So much has happened within this year - I am learning how to be a person apart from my husband. I am having experiences and meeting new people that have never met my dearly beloved. IT is WEIRD and when I think about it in these terms it makes me want to SCREAM! Then God gently reminds me that this is ALL for His glory! Please lift us up - I am in desperate need of your prayers!
Could you please keep my sweet friend in suffering in your prayers! Her husband died one year ago on August 20. She has been so faithful to God and through her blog she has shared some of her soul with the blogging world! I know this is a super hard time for her. Here is her link if you want to check in on her and come away feeling as if SHE has ministered to YOU!
A good friend of mine asked me to speak to some women in her town last Thursday. I was so excited to get to share some of what I have gleaned over the last 10 months about my God who has been so faithful, tender, compassionate and loving! It was soooo neat meeting some of the people who have been praying for me and my family and don't even KNOW us! I thank each and every one of you have that has been praying - we FEEL and KNOW your prayers.
The main focus of the talk was 10 things that I have learned this last year. There are obviously many more than just 10 BUT I am sure people wouldn't want to sit there and listen to me for so long - so, I kept it to just 10! I am just listing them without any explanation - maybe one day they will be chapters in a book!
1. God grants us the grace, the strength and energy needed for our circumstances.
2. God wants us to follow Him – trust Him – no matter our circumstances.
3. God showed me that I can soar on wings like eagles, that He would RENEW my strength, that I could run and not grow weary, that I could walk and not be faint EVEN and ESPECIALLY in circumstances such as these.
4. God makes us BOLD when we depend on Him.
5. That Brent's death is God’s PERFECT and Holy plan for my life and for my children’s life.
6. That trusting God does not equate to ease! But in the long run it does! It is easier to trust God NOW then to trust Him after the fact! The blessings are fuller and richer by trusting Him amid the storm.
7. I have learned that this year has been beautiful and fruitful and I am sad it is coming to an end! I have learned so much of God's grace, mercy, compassion and love through these hard months!
8. To look at life through His glasses and not my own! That it is out of His unfailing love and mercy that He does anything for us. He wants to shape me and mold me into the person He wants me to be – a daughter who reflects the glory of her Father!
9. That God grants peace and joy even amongst so much pain.
10. That I belong wholly to my God and that I am not my own.
