Monday, October 05, 2009

A Walk to Remember

Hi - let me introduce myself for those of you who have forgotten me since it has been 9 months since my last post! My name is Pinky and I am a WIDOW. (That word used to send shivers up my spine.) I am a new person! I have become a different person out of neccessity - I used to be Brent's wife but am now a widow. I used to be a parent in the home where there was 2 parents - now I am a single mother of 3. There used to be 2 persons that made me who I am - NOW I am but one person. These things change you - there is no denying that! Oh, the old me is still there but there is a new layer that is deeper and hopefully more compassionate.

Over the last 2 years I have grown immensely in my walk with Christ. I have learned things that are so dear to me that I would NOT trade them for ANYTHING! I have learned what it means to TRUST the One, that no matter what happens in life, is worthy of ALL trust. I have learned that I belong to God and all that I have belongs to God and that is such a FREEING way of thinking. I have learned that my life is NOT what I expected and in fact it is more beautiful than I expected EVEN though it is painful. I have learned that when you walk so closely with God you can't help but to talk about Him to whoever will listen. I have also learned that God has given me such an amazing group of friends. So many of you seem more like family than friends. I cherish each of you - even though at times you might feel more neglected than cherished!

PERSPECTIVE - this has got to be one of the biggest things that God has been teaching me over the last 2 years. I know that I tend to look at my life from my own perspective - and from my perspective it just doesn't make sense why God would take a man with a family in the prime of his life. However; when you change your view to God's - then it seems an honor that God would use Brent to reach so many for Him in such a powerful way! AND it gives purpose to the suffering. I think we get tied up in what we feel we are owed (i.e what we want for our lives vs doing what God wants us to do)to see past OUR own desires. My pastor, just recently in a sermon, said that sometimes we determine our needs - when in fact, only God has the right to determine our needs. God alone knows our purpose and what we NEED to fulfill that purpose! He even said that if we are true believers that we don't ultimately need to breathe! Bold, huh?! Think about that for a while - let that set in! The only real reason we would NEED to be alive is if we didn't have Christ in our lives.

Last year we ran away to Pheonix with dear friends to somehow avoid this day of remembrance BUT this year we will be staring down its throat. The kids are all planning on going to school. "A" wanted to make shirts we could all wear on Wednesday in honor of her dad. There is even a soccer game after school. After the game we are going to go to the cemetery with Brent's parents and stand around a stone in the ground and hold hands a remember God and what He has done for us this year! We will pray and most likely there will be a tear or two - but this year I am not afraid of that. Matter of fact I cherish it and am looking forward to it!

I know have grossly neglected my blog. Please don't misinterpret this post as a new beginning for my blog. I don't know what is in store for this blog - but for now it is an avenue for me to remember!